Do you have a story to tell? According to Margaret Mead, your story would be like no other. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique,” she says, before quickly adding, “just like everyone else.”
That’s right. Two people could never write the same memoir, even if they were identical twins who were raised in the same family, went to the same schools, and married identical twins.
Such is the nature of experience that how we react even to identical events is unique to each of us. Paradoxically, while the details of our loves, hates, disappointments, regrets, and triumphs are uniquely ours, the commonality of the experiences links us to others.
This explains why travelers who have trod a different path than we have still recognize themselves in our stories.
FIVE REASONS
Here are five reasons to write your unique story. The first two benefit you; the remaining three give value to others:
1. Integration: By writing your memoir, you weave the threads of your life together. Instead of a series of seemingly unrelated events, you begin to see a pattern emerge. You are able to make sense of your history. You begin to understand the historical, social, and personal influences that steered you to where you are today.
2. Releasing pain: According to author Anne Lamott, through writing your memoir, “you own everything that happened to you.” As a byproduct of ownership, you are able to forgive yourself for your shortcomings as well as those who have harmed you. Forgiveness of oneself and others functions like powerful astringent on a psychic wound.
3. Teaching: By communicating the truth about your life, you inevitably share insights and painfully acquired wisdom. The life lessons you learned the hard way may help your reader avoid similar pitfalls. Hopefully, a reader can benefit from your experience without the painful lesson.
4. Legacy: By providing the details of your unique time on earth, you create a record for those who come after you. The legacy isn’t solely for your family and friends but is also your contribution to the larger world.
5. Connection: Others who’ve gone through similar difficulties can find reassurance and be bolstered by your story. The realization that we are not alone is empowering. As C. S. Lewis, the Christian apologist, wrote, “We read to know we are not alone.”
WRITING MY OWN MEMOIR
I can attest that the first two rewards on this list are true. I found the experience to be cathartic and transformative.
At the same time, I have to agree with whoever said that the truth will set us free, but not before it makes us miserable. I often cried while typing. Yet, at the end of each day, I felt giddy and light as a feather.
I’m not finished writing my memoir yet, so I can’t address whether others will benefit from my story. Even if no one ever reads it, the process of creating the memoir has been powerfully healing.
I can’t end this article without giving you two reasons not to write your memoir. First, do not write your story to get revenge. The effort will be wasted.
Second, don’t write a memoir to elicit sympathy — that is, to manipulate the reader into feeling sorry for you. The woe-is-me tale is boring.
Once you decide to compose your memoir, you might want to research writing techniques. For example, if you do an online search and google “advice for writing a memoir,” you’ll find many excellent tips.
I hope you’ll keep me updated on your progress. And if you’ve already written a memoir, I hope you’ll share how you benefited from the process.
Carole Carson, Montpellier, France, is an author, former AARP website contributor, and leader of the 1994 Nevada County Meltdown. Contact her at carolecarson41@gmail.com
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